I had posted a small piece of commentary about breast cancer:
Little rant, forgive me: fighting breast cancer isn't about "saving the tatas." It's not about breasts. It's about beating cancer. Sexualizing the often deadly effects of cancer isn't cool or funny.
I don't support those pink ribbons, either, I'm sorry to say. Wanna help find a cure for cancer? Research the people and places that aren't strictly funded by Big Pharma. Wanna protect yourself and your family? Pay attention to your health. Focus on nutrition, physical activity, and severely reducing stress. We focus on a cure, when we won't even pay attention to the causes. Quite the opposite. We pretend like we don't know what causes it, because is cheaper than treatment. (Treatment, not cures. They don't provide a cure, and I don't believe they really want to, considering all the information they ignore and the costs you must pay to try and survive. Not to mention, medically suggested treatment is as damaging on good cells as bad, and makes it easier for cancer to return.)
...Woo. End rant.
Later, my friend replied to the post. While I told this friend that I would be sharing my replies to him on my blog, I do not want to post his words or name here, as I didn't ask his permission. Basically, he told me that while he sees my point, my post lacked taste and tact, considering how very personal the subject is and how it is not my place to tell people how to act when facing such extreme obstacles. He shared a bit of his personal experiences with me, as well. I love this man, and am so glad he did this. We still disagree on part of this, but we also agree on a great deal.
The following replies (grouped together) attempt to explain why I disagree with the idea of my post being in poor taste, why I (generally) think it's more important to educate than to sugar-coat, and why I felt it was so important to explain this to him in the first place. They also point out that I do agree that I sometimes come off as "pushy" rather than just "encouragig," and that I am actively working to curtail that emotional habit. I'm sharing it all here because I've had this discussion (more or less) with a few people already, and I'd like to have something to show people in the future. Point being, I promise I'm not an asshole! It's so easy for people to assume that the guy saying the stuff they don't wanna hear is a jerk, after all.
Alright, here goes:
For the most part, I agree with your comment. I'm going to break down my reactions to it. Be patient with me, lol.
1) I gather that you assume I haven't had much experience with cancer, particularly breast cancer. (At least, this is what I read in your comment. If you didn't intend this, I apologize ahead of time.) In the US, approximately 1 in every 300 people will get or already has cancer (according to this graph I pulled up of the top 10 countries with worst cancer rates.) Point being, it's very likely that everyone has knows someone who has/has had/has died of cancer. So I don't think for a moment that I'm in a special bubble of cancer experience, believe me. Still, I've lost multiple family members and very close friends to cancer. My aunt, luckily, survived the cancer in her breast. Since I started my hormone treatment, certain cancer risks have increased, and I've done a good deal of research since I found out. I don't speak with any sort of ignorance of the ordeals and incomprehensible fear and suffering that cancer patients must deal with. My absolute worst medical fear is cancer. I agree, cancer is no small matter. I take it *extremely* seriously. I take it *so* seriously that:
2) I risk potentially bothering people I care about in order to try to bring these things to their attention. I do not, however, point it out to people individually, as my goal is never to upset anyone. I'm inclusive (lots of "we" and "us.") But in the end, attempting to plant even the smallest seedling in someone's mind about the injustices and abuses around them (involving things like the terrible state of healthcare in our country, hence why I stress how important preventative medicine is, and how we've been couched to mock its very consideration) is far more important than making sure no one's ever made uncomfortable by the truth. I do NOT condone specifically seeking to make people uncomfortable. That is VERY IMPORTANT. I do my best to avoid it. Clearly, however, I'm not perfect at avoiding that.
3) You suggest I approach the subject from another angle (disagreeing with the pink ribbon campaign, disliking the silly and disrespectful Save The Tatas slogan, greedy marketing, etc.) I want to point out, here, that I *do* those things. I just don't do them in a way you approve of. I say that I don't like the ribbons, I say that slogan is ridiculous, and I blame "Big Pharma" for limiting our options to *their* options. That's ribbons, slogans, and marketing. But I can, however, see how my wording may have caused blanket misunderstands, rather than encouraged reflection. Let me clarify one:
4) I do not condemn pharmaceuticals, but it's not strange for people to assume that I do. Similarly, I do not hate money or people who abuse it, but some assume I do. It's not unusual for people to assume disliking an extreme of something means one must dislike the whole of that thing, and I understand why. It's a sort of hyperbole fallacy. (In fact, some folks assume this of themselves, and are too quick to hate the whole of something when they really only disapprove of a prevalent extreme.) Let me explain myself. I don't think our modern capabilities with medicine are all horrible. I get bi-weekly injections of an expensive drug, and probably will for the rest of my life. Medicines and treatments are one of our most amazing human accomplishments, and people are entitled to seeking whatever medicines they want. I don't at all mean to make you think I think otherwise. It's the control, greed, and ramifications of Big Pharma that I tend to rant about. I use that term for a reason. "Big Pharma" doesn't reference all of "modern medicine." It specifies the grouped corporate entity that controls our health and the legislation around it. It dips itself into our cultural sense of morality, our politics, our goods and services, our education, our economy, and pretty much everything about our daily lives. I'm honestly sorry, I do not feel wrong for openly expressing my dislike for that. But I will defend our amazing medical science up and down, and defend people's right to seek whatever medical goals/treatments/pathways they want.
5) Yes, I get pointed and instructional when I go off on rants. THAT'S where I definitely agree with you the most. Of course, I called it a rant for a reason. It was exactly that. It was not the most considerate thing I've ever written. Far from it. I also never told readers it was anything other than a rant. It was a mix of frustration and desperation. "Please, God damnit, pay attention to this, ugh." You got me, there, man, no joke.
6) And this is where the last two years of my own personal growth comes into play. This is what I really want to make sure you understand about me, because I care very much about you and our friendship, and I don't want you to think I'm a terrible person, lol. I do not blame or hate anyone for whatever situation they're in or whatever kind of person they are. That means that when I complain about the Papa John's CEO, or when I rage about corporate money in politics, or when I urge people to pay attention to their health and stop supporting harmful companies and harmful medicine, or when I groan about religious extremists making progress so difficult... I never blame or hate the people--neither the people creating the issues, nor the people unknowingly perpetuating them. We all think we're right. We all think we're doing what we're supposed to. We feel the way we do based on our past experiences, the environment we were born into, the people who left their marks on us as we developed, our amount and type of childhood stimulation, our social experiences, blah blah blah. And beneath all of that, we're still limited by our biological structure. Our brains and chemicals work a certain way. Our instincts reveal themselves at certain times. I don't blame or hate anyone. And therefore I dedicate myself to just trying to plant those seedlings here and there. I encourage people to stop and think. Not to judge themselves. But to THINK about themselves.
In all honestly, I want people to love themselves, and to love others.
But I'm a human being. I get frustrated. I get tired. Some things trigger a stronger emotional response than others. And in the end, I'm just as flawed as everyone else in my own ways, and so one could argue I'm wasting my time and annoying some others, so why bother?
Because I take it seriously, and it's important to me to try to help improve... *everything.*
...Woo!
I know that was long and man I am sorry for that. We don't talk very often and I basically just described how my brain works, so it required a lot of words, lol. I just went through and reread it to edit typos and whatnot, and to be honest it expresses my intentions so accurately that I may paste it into my blog to explain myself to other readers. Thank you for confronting me with this, [name removed for privacy]. It has made me think about how I express my concerns.
I don't expect you to agree with me on everything--or even anything. There have always been things on which we've disagreed, and it's never harmed our friendship, so I'm not worried about that. I just don't want you to think I'm a douchebag.
*******
Sometimes I can come across as very "glass half empty," but that's not my intent. It's mostly just a result of the constant bombardment of bad stuff. It's a big process, jumping into political, civil, and social activism. It's another huge process when one decides to focus on self betterment and introspection. I may not always go about it the best way, but it's not easy to do, regardless. It's a lot to take in, a lot to think about, and a lot to deal with. There's SO MUCH STUFF going on.
So, here's the best way I can summarize it. The internet is a huge part of my "world input" and is where I return to verbalize things I've come across and/or things I've learned. (As you said, sort of my unloading zone.) I don't live on it. My actual life is spent doing everything I can to be a positive example for everyone I come across. I want to have lots of info and perspectives, and I want to encourage the best in people. As I get so much of my outside input from the internet, however, it's also where I'll tend to be when I get on a tangent. Presently, at my age and at the current state of society and my place within it, I come across far more negative things than positive things, so a good deal of what will nag at me enough to share is negative. Also, at my age and place in society, I generally feel very trapped--like I'm constantly working to retain myself and my physical and mental health, while the world around me does everything it can to take that from me. From the foods I eat, to the medicine at my disposal, to the kind of cruelty and noise and flashing screens that plague us and stress us every day. I work to be happy and peaceful within myself, to improve the world by improving myself and encouraging it in others by setting a good example. You know. "Lead by doing," so to speak.
But as we know, I'm human and can get wrapped up in the problems. Luckily, I have friends like you.
Trust me, I'm pretty confident in the positive possibilities of the world.
I recalled after I sent my last PM that I had an event/epiphany I'd wanted to share with you, to help illustrate my focus on truth vs comfort.
Last year Brittany spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. Long story short, she was diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia. Quite suddenly, we had to face the very real possibility that her life would decline very rapidly, and face the reality that it was very unlikely that she'd live past 40. That was the hardest week of my life. We learned a great deal about the disease (though we certainly weren't ignorant of it beforehand.) I also learned about how ignorance perpetuates the disease.
This is where I will draw a VERY limited comparison between people dealing with cancer and people dealing with sickle cell, to use as an example. The reason why will come later. Cancer patients can survive and recover (though recurrence is common and many statistics cut their information at "recurring within 5 years"), while sickle cell patients can in fact make it into adulthood. For the most part, however, cancer is deadly with our current treatments, and usually sickle cell patients never survive beyond late childhood. No preventative care can guarantee safety from cancer (though the foods we consume, activities in which we partake, pollutants around us, and other factors can severely reduce/increase our likelihood of getting it); and at the same time, someone is either born with sickle cell or they're not (making abstinence the only surefire way to keep from spreading it to your potential offspring.)
I'm sharing all this with you so you'll understand the situation before I continue with this: while facing the promise of excruciating episodes of pain (called "pain crises"), long expensive hospital visits, and the eventual (youthful) loss of my fiance, I also came to realize how education and selflessness could prevent future generations from suffering with all that. Early screenings on pregnant mothers and newborn babies, knowing one's family medical history, etc etc. Learning about this stuff was hard, at the time, especially because it was all "too late," anyway, and the subject itself was very hard to think about.
But we needed to learn about it, anyway.
And when eventually we were told that she didn't actually have Sickle Cell (but carried it), we could then accept the lessons learned and try to educate others about it. It's still a very personal subject. And if I had lost Brittany, it would be even more difficult.
But I'm aware that just because I don't want to hear something, that doesn't make that thing untrue or unacceptable.
As we have also both discussed, however the methods for educating are important to consider. It's easy to get desperate when I watch sugar-coated methods get stomped on, laughed at, snubbed, or overtaken. Plus, all the carefulness in the world doesn't mean the message won't be misconstrued, still, or someone won't be *particularly* sensitive. I still work to keep in mind that "a spoon full of sugar," etc. After all, I don't wanna drive anyone away, and I don't want anyone to be miserable.
